Summertime...

July has arrived! It was HOT today. Thank goodness Max's last t-ball game was at 10 am and not at noon today. About 15 minutes into his game he looked like he had been working on a farm somewhere for hours. His little face was all dirty from his sweaty hands rubbing his cheeks. He had so much at his game. I think it was because there was anywhere from 4-6 kids playing on his team at any one time so he was always doing something whether it was hitting, catching, or running from base to base standing on each one proudly. After his game he was presented with a trophy. Molly also got one from the coach. He said that she was at more of the games than some of the actual players so he gave her the extra one he had. She loves it. I think she might be ready to play next summer.
After the game we decided that might even be too hot of a day to spend at the pool, especially with little Maggie. We decided to head out to a garage sale and let the kids pick out something. Max picked out a ridiculous looking Spiderman button down shirt, but that's what he picked out with his 4 quarters. We got home and decided to turn movie night into My little Maggie and I took a nap during movie afternoon. Then we hung out on the couch after dinner. She seems so serious...as they all do when they are 3 weeks old...serious and bored out of their minds. I think she is going to have the dimple on the one cheek just like her cousin Joshua. Adorable. Right now, I think that she is going to be my very serious one. The one who is going to take a look at her brother and sister and let them know exactly how ridiculous she thinks their behavior is. We'll see what I think in about 6 months.
I am so blessed

God's messengers...

You know how sometimes God tries to tell you something in the most subtle of ways over and over again until He has no choice but to do something so drastic you have no other choice than to recognize it. Today I was lucky enough to get the message before He had to resort to those above mentioned drastic measures.

The last couple of days have been rough. I think my hormones were out of wack, my kids could smell my fear and took full advantage, and I was tired. I think I've worried Aaron a bit and maybe even myself, but today was a hundred percent better. (Which my sister and I agree that an awesome day behavior wise is almost always followed by a terror filled one...we'll see) Anyhow, the kids and I had a good day. They got up and got dressed. Molly even brushed her teeth without a single grunt or cry. They were all ready for the day before their feet hit the bottom step. They had a nice breakfast and cleaned their dishes on the first request. They helped me go through all of the recycling. Of course, Molly put her mouth on every bottle and can before putting it in the respective bag...gross! We headed out to the recycling center, the bread store, and the grocery store.

Again, I have a story of the kindness we have found since the minute we moved down here. The gentlemen have always asked if I needed any help at the recycling center. I figured it might have been because I was 9 months and huge. Today was no different. They were all so kind to me. Plus, an elderly gentleman also waited for me and asked if I had anything else left to bring in and told me he was going to help me bring it all in. I had gotten it all in one shot, but thanked him for his kindness. Now, that I have written 3 paragraphs I completely got off track of the first paragraph and how God sends His messages.

We got to the grocery store and I opened the door and unbuckled my oldest so that he could unbuckle the middle child. As I was taking my youngest out an older gentleman, maybe 75 or so, said "oh she's a new one" that she was beautiful. He asked if I had 2 and I told him 3. He looked at my 3 kids and told me how beautiful they all were. He told me to enjoy them because they grow so fast. He continued to tell me that I looked too young to have 3 kids and when I informed him that I would be 30 in a few short weeks he said that I could still pass for a teenager.

Bless his heart. I wished him a wonderful day.

And before he went on his way he touched my shoulder and said "I can tell what a good mother you are just by looking at your kids".

Thank you Lord for sending him.

Excuse me?

Should I take offense to someone telling me that they have office hours from 5-8 p.m. once a week and Saturday mornings? And even more so because it's someone from a pediatricians office telling me that "some mom's with 3 find it easier" to come during those times? And 3...it's not like I have 12 children (bless all of those who do). They are going to love me when we come for Maggie's 2 month in August because Aaron won't be able to come no matter when we go. Seriously??? A peds office. Maybe I'll feed them pure sugar that morning. Aren't they supposed to love kids and be the ones that are ok if they are running around like crazy banchees? It's the mom that is supposed to be reassured by these nurses and docs. Oh well, maybe they really were watching out for me and telling me that so that I would feel at ease or if nothing else I wouldn't crack in the middle of their hallway. Either way, I wasn't feeling the southern hospitality that I have come to know and love here.

Or perhaps I'm just a huge b.

More later....

What makes a great mom?

You are the only Jesus your kids will see.

I read that in one of my moms books. That's a pretty powerful statement.

How to show my kids more grace?

That's the question for the day.

The Good Lord knows how much grace I've been shown in my lifetime. Why can't I show my 2 & 3 year olds that same type of grace. Of course, I know that I am not actually Jesus and that my kids won't actually see Him. I also realize that Jesus was perfect and that I will never be. My question though is how can I preach to my children about Jesus Christ and all that He stands for when I can't get through a regular old day without yelling at my kids? Why can't I just laugh along with them instead of getting upset? Why can't I put down the dishcloth and color with them instead of yelling at Molly when she colors on the table? The hormonal, new mom, emotional side gets the best of me and says that she is coloring on the table because I am not sitting with her coloring. Ridiculous, I know.

I just want to be a better mom. I want to be the mom that is showered and ready for the day before the kids wake up or at least by the time my husband leaves for work. Why is it that some days I am the mom who can't open her blinds before lunch time because although she does have a bra on it doesn't yet have nursing pads in it? (Maybe that's part of my problem :)

I want to be the mom that has somewhat of a schedule that involves handwriting, arts & crafts, number time, etc. now that they are old enough to understand it.

And another thing....GUILT...isn't giving birth and being a mom hard enough without throwing guilt into the mix??? It seems as though as soon as I sit down to nurse Maggie, Molly and/or Max need something at the exact same time. And even though they might complain b/c they have to wait an extra 10 minutes or so to get their snack (b/c I am certainly not one of those breastfeeding moms who can vaccuum and nurse at the same time) they seem to take it a lot better than I do. Why do I feel SO guilty when I can't help them at that particular moment?

I'm pretty sure that my current relationship with God has something to do with the way that I feel. I've been to church 4 times since we moved down here. It's been over 3 months. I long for a bible study, but don't really go in search of one. I long for a church, but fear that I loved my church back in Michigan so much that I don't feel at home in any of the 4 churches I've visited.

I don't study my bible the way I did back in Michigan. Why??? Yes, I realize I just a baby, but look at how I've been blessed. There are God's blessings all around me and I haven't been honoring Him they way I should.

There needs to be a change. It's that simple.

Happy 4th of July!!!

We had a great week. My parents were here from Michigan and the kids wore them out. I'm sure that they will go home and sleep for a week to recover. We started our 4th with breakfast at Shoney's and then said good-bye to my parents. We spent the afternoon napping and doing laundry. We spend dinnertime with old friends from our church in Michigan. They took us to KFC...I don't think I've eaten there in at least 10 years. The kids had a good time running around with the older girls. Instead of watching fireworks (b/c of the rain) we rented Shrek the Third, made popcorn, and had a family movie night. The movie ended at 10:45 pm and when it was over the kids wanted to watch it again...I don't think so...I should not be going to bed before my children.

Maggie is changing everyday. I don't think she looks like her brother and sister anymore. She is really starting to take on her own look. She wore her adorable new Independence Day outfit from her aunt. See pic above. I think she looked absolutely gorgeous and I think I'm completely objective in my opinion.

Seeing our friends from church really made me miss it that much more. I'm sure that the churches here have so much to offer and the fact that the Lord and Jesus Christ is the center of their churches is all that matters. It is just that from the second we walked into St. Thomas 4 years ago and felt at home makes it difficult to feel at home at another church.
Please Lord, show us where you want us.

Hormones....crashed today....

10 days old today...our sweet Maggie Grace. There seems to be something about her. I keep saying that. I'm not sure what it is...maybe her eyes or her skin being a little darker than the other 2 or her temperment...not sure...it could just be that the other 2 are driving me up a wall that I am just glad to have her here to keep me sane.

Tweedle Dee & Dum drove me NUTS today!!! I even looked at my son late this afternoon and asked him to please pick up his trains while tears were running down my face. Molly saw this and told me I was being silly. Max laughed and asked why I was crying. I told him it was because he wouldn't just pick up his trains like his mother asked (great parenting I know....laying the guilt trip...does it count as bad parenting if they don't buy into it???) I think you're supposed to crash about 3 days after giving birth...I definitely crashed today. The day ended well though. I think it was the mother guilt setting in that got me most of all. There is nothing like the guilt you feel as a mother.

I complained a lot about the kids tonight to Aaron. Then I try to remind myself of all that we have and that I have NOTHING to complain about. I just caught up on a few blogs that I like to read. One blog that I read is about a couple who was supposed to have a baby right around this time...the same time that Maggie was born. They ended up having their litte boy around 22 weeks. He died. I can't imagine losing one of our children. It's devestating to even think about that, but to live it must be unbearable. I get to watch my children interact, color, write their name, get their shoes on all by themselves, be silly, stretch. I get to hold them when they get hurt, tell them about Jesus, play on the playground with them. I yelled at them today b/c they were throwing toothpicks on the ground while "grocery shopping" in the kitchen and when they brought out their ball bin and threw every single ball down the steps. What would I do if I didn't have those balls sitting at the end of the steps almost every day? And watching them "grocery shop" and then go "home"...well it was probably my favorite moment of the day (minus trying to get them to clean up the toothpicks).

Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to try and remember and remind myself of how lucky and blessed we are and how much I would miss all of those messes were my kids not here with me.

And she is here...

What an amazing few days it has been. I last wrote 3 minutes after midnight...minutes after Thursday ended and Friday began. After that post I went to sleep...surprisingly easier than I thought since I was scheduled to be induced at 6 a.m. Around 3 a.m. or so I got up to pee. I got up 2 more times after that and felt a few contractions, but nothing severe. At 4:23 a.m. I woke Aaron up and told him that I wasn't going to have to be induced. I was on my knees, hanging over the bed, breathing through the contraction the best I could. At that point we figured that we would just arrive at the hospital around 6 as planned, but just wouldn't have to be induced. I got in the shower and asked Aaron the make me a couple of scrambled eggs and toast. I ended up on my knees in the shower as the contractions were getting worse. I got out of the shower and had 2 bites of my eggs and then told Aaron he could have them. The contractions were getting worse and told him we needed to get going. He ended up getting in the shower and I was getting a few last things around in between the growing pain. About 5:30 or so I went into our room to get the bags...I had one, the kids had one, and the camera bag. I made it out to the landing, dropped the bags, and then dropped to all 4s.

My water broke. I crawled into the bathroom and told Aaron we had to go. I was grabbing onto the bathroom counter telling Aaron something wasn't right and that he had to call 911.

He said he could get me there faster. The pain wasn't really stopping at this point. It was like one constant contraction. I'm not sure when Aaron got dressed. It was like he just stepped out of the shower clothed and ready to go.

He opened the kids door and told them it was time to go to the hospital. They were pretty good about it I think. They were in the car before me. Aaron helped me get changed and was WONDERFUL thru the whole thing. He got the kids and me and the bags in the car in no time and raced me to the emergency entrance at the hospital...in about 4 minutes. The whole time to the hospital I am praying to God, please don't let me have this baby in the car. Oh, and after he got me and the kids in the car he ran back to the house to get the bags. While he ran back in there I began making horrible noises (like you see women make in the movies). Molly was laughing and saying, "Mommy, you're so silly". And Max, kind of laughing, says, "Momma, why do you sound like that?" I think I freaked him out a bit, but he handled it well.

We arrived and Aaron came over and got me and helped me into the er. We walk in and don't see anyone. Aaron yells and these people arrive out of nowhere. There is a wheelchair, a guy pushing the wheelchair, and maybe 3 or 4 nurses around me. I'm so thankful for the guy pushing the wheelchair b/c he was running. They all kept telling me not to push. I wasn't pushing....it was my body doing it for me...although all I wanted to do at that moment was push.

They got me into the little room and started asking me info. Then the lady got up to set the scale...are you kidding me? I told them, "I'm not standing on that...my weight was 186 2 days ago". The guy who was pushing me in the wheelchair said, "she said she ain't standing on the scale". Thank goodness for him. For some reason he will always stick out in my mind when I think of this day. They got me into a room...and there are nurses everywhere....telling me not to push, to breathe like I'm blowing out candles...hee hee who...hee hee who...By the end of the whole ordeal I was really tired of hearing "blow out the b'day candles". The nurses kept telling me that I couldn't push until the doc arrived. My doctor who had scheduled me to induce wasn't on until 8 a.m. so it would be the doc on call. I didn't care. I just wanted a doc there so I could push and someone would catch my little girl.

Aaron finally came in and said that the kids were out in the hallway eating popsicles. I was SO happy to see him walk into that room. They got me hooked up to the i.v., took blood, and checked me. The nurse looked at me and said, "you're complete". Of course, the only thing I heard in my head when she said that was "no drugs". And there wasn't. I suddenly was terrified.

Aaron came and held my hand and just kept smiling at me. I was in so much pain at that moment, but very in love with my husband.

The doctor walked in....RELIEF!

It was weird though...the pain went away long enough for me to tell my husband that I was scared and couldn't do this. He reminded me that I had done it twice before and that I was a pro. I in turn, reminded him that those 2 times were with drugs. He just laughed at me and told me that I could do it. I really needed that laughter at that moment. I'm unsure why, but it helped me so much at that moment. Then another contraction hit. I screamed (swore a little bit I think) and pushed.

I heard her crying. I tilted my head back and cried too. Honestly, I was crying not b/c my daughter had been born, but b/c I had done it without any drugs and I was overcome with relief. They laid her on me and I saw this precious little thing staring back at me. She didn't look like a newborn. No wrinkles...no conehead. Her appearance into the world was much too quick for her head to be all distorted.

So we arrived at the hospital around 5:50 a.m. and Maggie Grace was born at 6:16 a.m. She is beautiful. She is sweet as can be. I love watching her stretch. One of the simple things that I'll probably forget in the next couple of months...just how I love watching her stretch.

Her brother and sister are fantastic with her...so far...I'm sure that will change eventually. They always want to know where she is and what she is doing.