What makes a great mom?

You are the only Jesus your kids will see.

I read that in one of my moms books. That's a pretty powerful statement.

How to show my kids more grace?

That's the question for the day.

The Good Lord knows how much grace I've been shown in my lifetime. Why can't I show my 2 & 3 year olds that same type of grace. Of course, I know that I am not actually Jesus and that my kids won't actually see Him. I also realize that Jesus was perfect and that I will never be. My question though is how can I preach to my children about Jesus Christ and all that He stands for when I can't get through a regular old day without yelling at my kids? Why can't I just laugh along with them instead of getting upset? Why can't I put down the dishcloth and color with them instead of yelling at Molly when she colors on the table? The hormonal, new mom, emotional side gets the best of me and says that she is coloring on the table because I am not sitting with her coloring. Ridiculous, I know.

I just want to be a better mom. I want to be the mom that is showered and ready for the day before the kids wake up or at least by the time my husband leaves for work. Why is it that some days I am the mom who can't open her blinds before lunch time because although she does have a bra on it doesn't yet have nursing pads in it? (Maybe that's part of my problem :)

I want to be the mom that has somewhat of a schedule that involves handwriting, arts & crafts, number time, etc. now that they are old enough to understand it.

And another thing....GUILT...isn't giving birth and being a mom hard enough without throwing guilt into the mix??? It seems as though as soon as I sit down to nurse Maggie, Molly and/or Max need something at the exact same time. And even though they might complain b/c they have to wait an extra 10 minutes or so to get their snack (b/c I am certainly not one of those breastfeeding moms who can vaccuum and nurse at the same time) they seem to take it a lot better than I do. Why do I feel SO guilty when I can't help them at that particular moment?

I'm pretty sure that my current relationship with God has something to do with the way that I feel. I've been to church 4 times since we moved down here. It's been over 3 months. I long for a bible study, but don't really go in search of one. I long for a church, but fear that I loved my church back in Michigan so much that I don't feel at home in any of the 4 churches I've visited.

I don't study my bible the way I did back in Michigan. Why??? Yes, I realize I just a baby, but look at how I've been blessed. There are God's blessings all around me and I haven't been honoring Him they way I should.

There needs to be a change. It's that simple.