Sunday, April 25, 2010

My Dear & Sweet Friend, Amanda...

My sweet and dear friend, Amanda, passed away today, April 24, 2010.

She had been admitted to the hospital for dehydration & miscarriage.
I just spoke with her on the phone on Tuesday evening. She thought that she'd be home the next day, the lastest Thursday. The last I heard from her on Wednesday morning. She emailed to say that there were no new updates and that the docs may run a few tests. I didn't hear from her the rest of Wednesday and all of Thursday. I spoke with one of my friends Thursday night. We were both worried because neither of us had heard from her in almost 2 days. That was very unusual. I stayed up late that night writing her a card and packaging up a little photo notepad thing I had gotten for her. Thought it might put a small smile on her face after the miscarrage. I never mailed it to her. Early Friday morning, around 2 a.m., we received an email from her mom saying that Amanda was in critical condition and in the ICU. She needed our prayers. I spent all day on the phone...back and forth between friends trying to figure out exactly what had happened. Halfway through the morning we were told that Amanda had had a massive stroke and then they could not get her blood to clot. I just cried. I couldn't do anything else. I wanted to get in my car and head straight for the hospital. Instead, we sat and just waited to hear. Around 12:15 p.m. Amanda's sister-in-law called and told us that they were waiting for her brother to arrive from out of town and they were going to take her off of life support. I went upstairs and just fell on the floor. I couldn't breathe. I just wanted to lay on the floor and cry. Max came upstairs. Right before I got the phone call from her sister-in-law, Max had stapled his finger. The call came in as I was rinsing and cleaning Max's finger. I left the bathroom and headed upstairs. Max came up while I was crying and said, "It's ok, Momma. See? I cleaned it already and put a band-aid on it. It's all better so you don't have to cry."

I ended up at the hospital with my 3 other dear friends. We were able to say our good-byes and spend some time with our sweet, goofy, and spirited Amanda. When we left the hospital I couldn't believe that we actually left. We went back to Jess & Jay's. We ordered pizza and drank Miller Lite in honor of our dear friend. The next day we went to breakfast, got pictures around for the service, shopped for matching bracelets for the 5 of us + Amanda's mom. The day dragged on and flew by all at the same time. We kept waiting for an update.

Being at Jess & Jay's reminded me of the time that Amanda and I spent the night there a few years ago. We slept in the spare bedroom with Amanda on the regular bed and me below her to the side on the trundle. She said that I kept her up with my strange sleep talking. She just giggled at me the next morning. Not saying anything bad about it. The last time we were there was March 21st. We spent some time on the couch hanging out. Even though we had most of the couch we kinda sat really close :) I am not sure why...just glad that we did. I just really regret not taking more pictures of all of us. We called the hospital a few times that day to see if she was still listed as a patient. She was. I made it across the state and back home around 9:15 pm. I got the call around 10 pm from my dear friend that she had passed. Our sweet Amanda.
I stayed up until about 4 a.m. just looking at photos of her and writing back and forth to Jax. The next morning we headed to church. It's a church that we have only been to one other time as a family. The pastor read Psalm 23. I almost completely lost it. It was as if Jesus was sitting right next to me holding me up. The message was all about how great our shepherd is. How He has it all taken care of. That He will be our good shepherd no matter our doubt and struggle.
Tuesday was the service. It was beautiful. When the music began, I recognized the song right away. It was Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. I put the kleenex over my face and lost it. I thought I was good until I looked over and saw Amanda's husband walk into the room with their 8 month old son, Patrick. I couldn't breathe. You could hear all of the gut wrenching cries throughout the room. Aaron said that he thought that there were at least 400-450 people there. I just don't know what to do with the feelings of knowing that her little family lost a momma & a wife. Listening to her mom, brothers, and husband & little man speak about her was unbelieveable. A true memorial for her. It was nice to tell stories about her all evening.

She loved my kids like they were her own. She never forgot a birthday, Christmas, special occassion. She always thought of them. She always thought of everyone before herself. In an article written by the local paper, it was reported that she would be able to help 50-70 people with her organ & tissue donation. What an honor it is to tell the world that she was my friend...that God blessed me with Amanda's friendship.